Summer of 2009

Sam and I drove to Indiana to visit his family.  The family was notified of Sam's condition.  At this stage, Sam wasn't driving and I noticed he was not taking his medication regularly, so I suggested that I give him his medication and he was adamant he would take his own medication.  We would play card games with his sisters and Sam was having difficulty concentrating and making mistakes.  At this stage, Sam's recollection of the past was becoming confused.  When we arrived home, Sam's condition did not change, he would continue be forgetful and his appetite was diminished and he did not like when I left him alone at home.  I noticed he became very clingy.  The next 12 months, I stayed home with Sam and becoming depressed and my dear sweet sister Su encouraged me to get out of the house and do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, and I would make excuses and afraid I would make Sam upset.  In July, of 2010, I took Sam to a Doctor and he placed Sam on Aricept, a medication to help control dementia..   I took a class at my church in Sept of 2010, and I had allot of fun, conversing with people, meeting new people and reunited with my Mentor, Pam and this brought joy to my life..  The class ended at the end of October and then the following month, Sam made his transition from mild Alzheimer's to Moderate.  It was Thanksgiving Day, I invited several people to join us for celebration and feast and Sam treated our guests with disrespect by sitting in living room not saying a word.  I was in shock.  He never treated people that came to our house with rudeness. 
From this day forward, Sam's mental behavior started to deteriorate and I was beside myself, not knowing what to do,  who to turn to, feeling confused and knowing deep down Sam made his next step into this monster disease and I felt I wasn't able to cope.  One night in December of 2010, I drank beer, wine, and we had some other alcohol and my wish was not to wake up the next day.  I did not want to face what I knew that stood before me.  What was I going to do?  Who was I going to turn to?   Was I able to face the outcome? Did I have it in me to take care of him?  Being so confused and in shock, it was my wish to not wake up after consuming a large amount of alcohol.